Secret Rules to Being a Rockstar by Jessamyn Violet

Author:Jessamyn Violet
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Three Rooms Press

RULE #22:

FIND COMFORT IN THE CHAOS

BACK AT ROBERT’S, I WASN’T SURE how to loosen the tightness in my chest. All I’d been trying to do was fit in, but it had been much more complicated than I expected. Ruby seemed to be a walking landmine. Nobody was holding my hand, and even though I was doing the best I could to keep up and go where they wanted me to go, do what they wanted me to do, I was already on my last chance. I’d been so distracted by everything that I hadn’t had much time to think about my family situation back home. It was sort of this weight I carried around with me, personal pain buried in a locked, sunken chest, but that wasn’t enough. By now, I had hoped to lose the key.

As I floated around wondering what to do with myself, I noticed Robert’s bedroom door open a crack. I’d been curious to peek in there since the first day, so I knocked lightly and pushed the door open. To my shock, it was as blank as the other rooms downstairs. There was nothing on the walls. The bed was a mattress on a metal frame in the corner, dirty black sheets, unmade. The bedside table held a phone, a roll of toilet paper, and a lamp. The closet door was open and crumpled clothes and shoes spilled out. The desk: a few scattered papers, business cards, and pens. No letters, no books, even. I felt goosebumps pop up at the nothingness of it all. The room was absolutely empty of personality. I closed the door and continued down the hall to the staircase, even more unnerved and tiptoeing even though there seemed to be nobody home. I racked my brain for something to do, some way to feel more comfortable, and the answer finally hit me.

I could release the stress the only way I knew how: find the piano and play.

I entered the recording studio through the double padded doors and felt another wave of awe at the grandness of the room, so clearly created to capture great music. I sat down at the piano and ran my fingers over the keys, tickling the beast with the most exquisite laughter. The sound pumped fresh energy through my blood. I knew I should practice songs from Perpetual Twilight, but I wanted to enjoy playing for a little bit, and didn’t especially care how silly or unformed the melodies and lyrics were. I felt a new song bubbling inside me, ready to burst out.

After dancing with a few A-minor chords I stumbled across a melody, cleared my throat and began to sing. I continued, the chorus unfurling itself out of nowhere. I played with the melody for a while, losing track of time in the thrill of creating something stronger than what I’d written back in Massachusetts. This crazy environment was obviously affecting me on the outside, but now I saw how it was changing my internal parts, rewiring my creativity.

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